Collard Greens In a Bacon Shortage

In 2001, fresh out of the Natural Gourmet Cookery School, I was on my way to see Vassar Clements at Christmas. He told me since I’d graduated from cooking school he expected me to cook. But having seen The Beverly Hillbillies, I told him I wasn’t sure if he’d like my style of healthy cooking. “I don’t put ham hocks in my greens,” I said.

“Then I won’t eat ‘em!” He replied.

I told this to a friend of mine who said, on no uncertain terms, if I would be cooking for southerners, I would have to cook greens WITH ham hocks, as well as macaroni and cheese and peach cobbler. (At Christmas? Peach Cobbler?)

Not intending to eat the greens myself, I purchased a copy of Sylvia’s Soul Food and brought it with me to Florida. (I bought it before hearing the bad reviews.)

Now, I can’t vouch for any other recipes in that book, but those greens recipes got raves from everyone, (“this is how their SUPPOSED to taste!” Vassar exclaimed) and I, myself, began to understand the contribution that bacon fat and ham hocks make to bitter collards.

So when I realized I would not be able to cook them for my husband who is against the animal husbandry industry’s treatment of pigs, I was heartbroken. I’m the kind of person who keeps bacon in the freezer for every occasion.

“But I’ll use the well-treated pork!” I promised. He wouldn’t budge. “Look, in the Whole Foods circular here, it says surveys of pigs on these farms report high satisfaction with their lives. Apparently they answer questionnaires about it daily.” He wasn’t buying it.

Thankfully, I found this recipe for “Sneaky Collards” in The Lee Bros. Southern Cookbook. They suggest blackening a tomato and an onion under the broiler, then making that into a broth and voila! You have spicy, tasty collard greens, that you might even think have bacon in them.  My husband and I are addicted to these greens. A man who never ate collard greens, he has even come home from the grocery store with collards just so that I have to make them!

This recipe is great with green or red tomatoes.

Sneaky Collards by Matt and Ted Lee

Makes 6 Servings

8 cups water

3 dried chilies or 1 Tbsp crushed red pepper flakes

1 Tbsp plus 1 tsp kosher salt

2 bunches of collard greens, washed and cut into 1-inch wide strips. If you are going to cut out the ribs, then do 3 bunches.

1 large onion, trimmed, peeled and quartered

1 large tomato, quartered

2 Tbsp extra-virgin olive oil

1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar, sherry vinegar or red wine vinegar

1 tsp Spanish smoked paprika (pimenton) or Hungarian paprika

1 tsp freshly ground black pepper

3 cloves garlic with peels on

In an 8-quart stockpot, bring the water to a boil over high heat. Add the chilies and 1 tablespoon kosher salt, reduce the heat to medium-low, and simmer until the stock has a nice salty spiciness, about 10 minutes.

Add a few handfuls of greens to the pot. They will float on the surface, so stir them frequently, submerging with the spoon, until they have turned a bright Kelly green, 3 to 5 minutes. They will become floppy and more compact, so you can add more handfuls of greens. Continue adding greens, stirring and submerging them until all of the collards are in the pot and submerged under water. Turn the heat down to the gentlest simmer, and note your time at this point or set a timer for 1 hour.

While the greens simmer, place the onion and tomato in a small bowl. Drizzle the olive oil and vinegar over them, add 1 teaspoon kosher salt, the paprika, and the pepper, and toss to coat. Transfer the vegetables to a medium cast iron skillet and add the garlic. Place the skillet under a hot broiler, about 3 inches from the flame or heating element, until the vegetables are nicely charred, 6 to 8 minutes. Stet them on the stovetop to cool.

When the garlic is cool enough to touch, peel the cloves and return them to the skillet, discarding the charred skins. Transfer the broiled onion, tomato and garlic to a blender or food processor and blend at high speed until the mixture is completely smooth, about 3 minutes. You should have close to 1½ cups of puree.

Strain the collards with a colander, reserving the pot liquor. Return the collards to the pot, add the puree, and return the pot to the flame. Simmer the greens gently in the puree until 1 hour from the point at which you marked the time is up (add reserved stock ½ cup at a time of the pot becomes too dry). The greens will be a very dark matte green and completely tender, bathed in pale red gravy. Discard the leftover stock or save for soups.